"Slice of life"
It’s the refreshing aroma that overwhelms the senses and invigorates the mind and exudes a sense of euphoria.
The warmth of the cup on a cold winter day that gives a sense of comfort and joy, or a nice cold cup with beads of condensation that cools the hot summer day.
From the moment that the juicy beverage passes the lips, coats the tongue and lays to rest in the stomach.
As if the senses were working in complete synchronization to round out an amazing caffeinated beverage that along with tasting delicious, gives you an invigorating boost to get through the day.
More importantly for college students, because it has become prevalent and for the most part become a staple in the everyday lives of students, where they take caffeine in one form or another.
Students have struggled with trying to get a little extra out of their studying. Packing on the scholastic units weather it be from community college to the ever distinguished private university.
With maxing out on units every semester or quarter, comes the countless hours required to study, read and comprehend all the information that is exuded in those classes.
Students needed an outlet.
They turned to caffeine.
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1 comment:
Some good scene-setting/description here. I like the start, I like the tone, and I like how you end it.
OK, that's the good part...here's the bad part. You've got a bunch of sentence fragments in here.
You can fix that problem in your second sentence by adding "It's" at the start: It's the warmth of the cup on a cold winter day.... That gives your sentence a subject and verb, making it a complete sentence instead of a fragment. That also echoes the structure of your lead (a technique known as parallel sentence construction, which you are already putting to good use in this piece), which is generally pleasing to the ear and eye.
P3 has a similar problem and solution: From the moment that the juicy beverage passes the lips, itcoats the tongue and lays to rest in the stomach.
Same deal with P4 -- can you figure out where "it" goes?
Similar problem with P5, the second sentence in P6, and P7.
Then you totally get it right in your last two sentences.
Seriously, I want you to go to the Resources page of the class blog, click on the online grammar resources link and check out some of the grammar sites I've listed. In particular, I'd like you to go to the sentence fragments link listed for the OWL site.
You have a good eye, a good ear, and the potential to be a good writer...but you need to master the fundamentals first. You could make a good start on that by revising this piece.
11/15
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