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A WINNER
60 SECONDS
OVER 20 THOUSAND WOMEN PARTICIPATED IN THE NIKE WOMEN’S MARATHON LAST SUNDAY IN SAN FRANCISCO.
24-YEAR-OLD ARIEN O'CONNELL, A FIFTH-GRADE TEACHER FROM NEW YORK CITY, RAN THE FASTEST TIME OF ANY OF THE WOMEN, HAVING THE FASTEST TIME OF THE MARATHON, AT TWO HOURS, 11 MINUTES AND 55 SECONDS.
BUT SHE DIDN'T WIN.
BECAUSE SHE WAS NOT OF THE ELITE CLASS OF WOMEN PARTICIPANTS, THAT STARTED 20 MINUTES BEFORE ALL THE OTHER WOMEN PARTICIPANTS STARTED.
THE OFFICIALS OVERLOOKED HER FINISHING TIME WHICH WAS EVEN FASTER THAN THE WOMAN WHO WON FIRST PLACE BY SIX MINUTES.
NOW, NIKE REALIZES THEY HAD MADE A MISTAKE AND RECOGNIZES FASTEST MARATHON RUNNER AS A WINNER, NOT THE WINNER AND WAS AWARDED THE SAME TROPHY AS THE ELITE WOMAN THAT WON AT THE MARATHON.
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1 comment:
A little better, but you've buried your lead. You need to get to the "news" faster. Here's how I'd fix it:
OVER 20-THOUSAND WOMEN RAN IN THE NIKE WOMEN’S MARATHON IN SAN FRANCISCO TODAY, AND THE FASTEST RUNNER DID NOT WIN. YOU HEARD IT RIGHT...THE FASTEST RUNNER DID NOT WIN.
ARIEN O'CONNELL, A FIFTH-GRADE TEACHER FROM NEW YORK CITY, RAN THE FASTEST TIME OF ANY OF THE WOMEN, FINISHING THE RACE IN JUST TWO-HOURS 11-MINUTES AND 55-SECONDS. THAT'S SIX-MINUTES FASTER THAN THE WINNER.
(Then go on and explain as you have.)
Notice I've used hyphens to connect numbers to hours, etc., to avoid confusion.
19+1=20/25
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