Runaway Truck
Power was knocked out in
A Honda sedan hit by the truck was so crumpled that the driver was trapped inside. Rescue workers sliced into it, peeling back the roof to free the trapped driver. A electrician’s truck that had been parked on Moeser was knocked over to the next street,
A witness, Ruben Sharma, lives across the street from the single-story home that was destroyed in the fire. He was just about to head back to work around
El Cerrito police Detective Sgt. Shawn Maples, who was among the first to appear to the scene, heard cries coming from the burning truck and house, and started digging through the debris. He spotted the driver lodged between the wheels of the truck, which had flipped on its side. Maples said the driver’s legs were mangled and he couldn’t move. Maples was able to grab his hand and, with some help form Police Chief Scott Kirkland and Detective Ken Zinc, he was able to pull the driver to safety. Maples said, “We dragged him out in a heartbeat while the truck went up in flames. I just wanted to get him out of there.”
The driver of the disastrous event, a
1 comment:
Close! Combine your first two sentences, and you'll have your lead!
Make your third sentence the start of P3.
the truck's destruction (possessive, not plural)
I'd put the rescue of the driver higher up in the story -- that's pretty dramatic, and the reader is going to be wondering what happened to him since you've told us the truck smashed into a house and the house was on fire.
Tighten up and simplify the Sharma quote and attribution:
“First, I thought it was a major earthquake," said Ruben Sharma, who lives across the street from the home that was destroyed in the fire. "This is unbelievable.”
Sharma, whose front yard was littered with bricks, broken glass, car parts, splintered wood and palm fronds, said the crash occurred around 1:30 p.m. as he was about to head back to work.
Just say: The driver, a San Jose man whose name was not released... Omit the "disastrous event" part -- that's injecting your opinion in the story.
13/15
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